As a chastity speaker, I encounter many girls and women from all walks of life. I have found that no matter what church or high school I am at, there is one thing that always brings all of us together, one thing for which we are desperate. Each woman has a desire, a yearning, an ache to be known, to be pursed, and to be loved.
Each woman tries to fulfill this longing to be loved in her own way. We often turn to men and relationships in our desperate attempts to be fulfilled. We give our hearts and are often left disappointed or broken-hearted. We are left feeling unsought. We think it must be us. We are either “too much” or “not enough.” We hide our true self and are only someone who we believe is desired by men.
I know for myself when I was in high school, I tried endlessly to be loved, and at a very high cost, the cost of pieces of my heart and dignity. It was my senior year of high school when I finally made a decision to take ownership of my faith and make God more then just someone I spent time with for one hour on Sundays.
The decision was the first step and then I slowly, one by one, let go of the things I tried to control in my life. I am not going to lie; it was a hard transition. I had to change my social life, let go of some friends, and stop dating guys for whom I knew I was settling. In the end though, I was rewarded a thousand fold.
For the first time in my life I figured out who I was and what I was about. I no longer was just following the crowd, but following God and I found my purpose. It was such a freeing experience. So many people falsely believe that following God is limiting them in their happiness, and is just a bunch of rules to follow. When in reality when I was following what I thought I wanted and needed, I felt in chains.
God had totally transformed my life by my senior year of college. I was in a good place and I was ready to love and be loved the way God created love to be. I was ready for a good Catholic man to come into my life, so I trusted in God’s plan and waited one year. Two years. Three years. Four years. Five years.
I waited five years. Many times when I would pray I would say, “Ok God, I am ready. You can send him anytime.” There were moments of frustration, anger, and sadness. I didn’t understand why God didn’t think it was time yet, especially when I had to watch so many girls around me find the man God had for them. I knew that God was faithful though, and that just like with everything else in my life, God had a plan and I had to trust. He knew the desires of my heart.
Growing up you learn about the vocation of marriage and the vocation of holy orders, but what about the vocation of singlehood? Singlehood is a very important vocation, and you can thrive in it or barely survive in it. I remember being in a Christian bookstore and seeing a book titled, “If Singlehood is a Gift, Where is the Gift Receipt?” I knew, however, the saying, “You attract what you put out there.” If I wanted a holy man on fire for God, I needed to be trying to be a holy woman on fire for God.
So instead of sulking at home and thinking I was destined to be an “old maid” I got out and did some incredible stuff. I got to do some missionary work, taught Confirmation, was a RCIA sponsor, did chastity speaking, volunteered at a children’s hospital, started a girl’s group in youth ministry, did detention ministry, and attended the Theology of the Body Institute to further my education. I went to Catholic conferences, Christian music concerts, and young adult groups. I was working on myself while doing things that I loved, and falling deeper in love with Christ.
I committed myself to God through daily prayer, daily mass, adoration, confession, spiritual reading, and journaling. Someone once told me, “God loves you exactly as you are, but he loves you too much to let you stay that way.” I felt like in those five years God was calling me to go even deeper. Even though maybe I felt like I was ready, God was preparing me for his bigger plans. God was my center. He was my #1. I may not have had a boyfriend on Earth, but I had the King of Kings pursing me and fulfilling my desire to be loved.
When I least expected it, God sent the man I had been praying for all those years. He is everything I asked for and more. He encourages me, inspires me, challenges me, supports me, and loves me on my worst and best day. He alone does NOT satisfy me though. Being in a relationship was not the answer to all of my problems, and is not source of my happiness. God still is my #1. The thing I love most about my fiancé is that God is his #1 as well. We both love each other with everything we have, but know that if we were to make each other #1 we would crush the other person and fail each other.
The desire, yearning, and ache to be loved will never go away so be desperate for God, for his love, the only love that will truly satisfy. He is the best #1 Man you can have. Trust me when I say that when you develop a relationship with God, when you are desperate for him. When you give up control and you seek His will for you, you will feel known, pursued, and loved.
Megan Morgan
Booking information for speaking: megan.purityofheart@gmail.com
Website information: meganpurityofheart.blogspot.cm
Website information: meganpurityofheart.blogspot.cm
