Can I surrender it all?

                                             (a story from my heart)
My room is my sanctuary. I love every bit of it. From the bright white carpet to the soft green curtains hanging low to the floor. They framed a tall wide window surrounded by light pink walls. Of course my bed sheets matched that soft green, almost the same color as a lima bean. Odd, I know, but when you take a step back, my room looks like a lighter colored watermelon without the seeds.
But the colors aren't my favorite part of the room. It is sitting at the window seat in front of my big bright window. The window pillow is very comfortable to sit on; the top is a pale green with pink vine flowers sewed into the cover. This very place is where I spend most of my time thinking, wishing and longing. For it is this spot where I can feel a tugging in my heart.
I always wondered how people could walk in my room and only notice or admire the colors or the many picture frames hanging on my wall of art. How could they not notice the place where I felt God speaking to me the most? Or the radiant sunshine shining through the window glass, warming up my room, even my very soul. How could they miss the spectacular view from my window?-God's beautiful creation. There is of course the big maple tree that slightly hang its leaves over the window view and then there is the birdfeeder that attracts all those beautiful birds. Sometimes I fall asleep just listening to their songs. But beyond the birdfeeder and the big maple tree, are rolling green hills and a  big woods, thick with trees.  That adventurous, perfect woods has stolen a piece of my heart.  It was where I spent most of my days as a child exploring the beauty of God's creation and allowing Him to take me on many wild adventures. Adventures that only increased my sense of wonder...my innocent way.
But now God was calling me on a new adventure. One that I am surely struggling whether or not to go on.  It is a decision, maybe the hardest decision I would ever make, but I hear it is surely the best one and most rewarding...... Then what is holding me back?  What keeps me from opening up to this great adventure and saying yes?

God is simply asking me to "let it all go. Surrender...let go and your adventure will begin. An adventure you could never dream up yourself. You just have to let Me, your Father, lead you this time. But, you have to Give it ALL."

You think it is simple to give God everything - your hopes, your worries, fears and even your dreams. But it isn't. If everybody did, they would have an everlasting peace in their hearts; a joy that no one could bend and a love that no one could crush.   And yet we continue to think we can control, that we can accomplsih our dreams ourselves. We are afraid to hand our dreams over- afraid to lose them. But, if we really knew God, we would know that we wouldn't lose anything but instead, we would gain everything.  God knows our deepest desires better than we do. He is our Daddy, whos' love is so deep and so profound, that human beings could not handle the whole depths of it. If we could, I most surely believe that we would die from happiness.
So as I sit at this peaceful place at my window- just me, God and His beauty, I struggle to let go. Can I really trust this Man with EVERYTHING? Can I surrender it ALL?

Let this song help you to let go

Love or Lust for God?

Article by: Russell Hoyt http://russellhoyt.com/2011/07/02/hidden-adventure/

Recently I discovered that I had lost my love for God. Its interesting how you can quickly become so task oriented, “Doing Spiritually,” and lose your true purpose. I have done a lot of questioning over the past two weeks and have found kernels in my burnt spiritual popcorn (bad analogy, one of many to come). First, loving God wasn’t my true motive in this relationship. The subtle difference between motive and motivation is key. See a relationship with God is like a relationship with another person. I had all the motivation to be in a relationship with God: my wife, my kids, my ministry, my sin, my fear, my hurt, but my motive was imply to solve my life problems. A relationship with God will only satisfy a person when they are seeking true love, not lust. To lust after God is simply to desire Him for what He can do for our lives and not who He is. Second, prayer must be primarily motivated by love it is, as the kids say, “An Epic Fail.” Seriously, have you ever spoken with someone, a salesman perhaps, who is only interested in your life and conversation because they want to sell something to your or ask for something in return for the conversation. I can’t stand people like that, but more and more I realize I am that type of person, particularly when it comes to God. God and I sit down and have a conversation about something or other, then I cut right to the chase, like a teenager asking to borrow the car, “Can I have it, can I have it?” In my limited life experience and past experiences with others, most people are dissatisfied with their “relationship” with God because He doesn’t seem to respond or is different. The reality is that if we treat God like the Divine vending machine all we will get is our money taken with no “Jesus Candy” in return.
Soluation: Love God with all your heart, mind, and strength.
How: Put him first in your waking moments, your hour, your day and lastly at night. Speak to Him out of a desire to be with Him and pray and hope that He is who He says He is, a loving Father who will care for your needs. Mention your needs to Him and that leave them alone, because if all you ask for is a house and keep asking for a house, all you will get is a house, when what you really need is God.

Control Freak?

Article by: Russell Hoyt  http://russellhoyt.com/2011/07/11/cant-let-it-god-not-a-typo/

There is something about me, I just can’t let things go. I hash, hash, and rehash and I need re-hab. I think its because I am so uncomfortable with anything but exact certainty, which is really hard to obtain when other people aren’t as obsessed with insecurity as I am. Seriously, I’m insecure. I think we all are. The question then is, how can I become self secure? I don’t know what the magic formula is , but here are some hints as much as I can figure myself out.

1. The more I rely on myself the crazier I get. It is cycle after cycle of talking to myself about the same stupid situation after the people who are involved have moved WAY beyond the entire thing.
2. The more I rely on God, the clearer things get. Ironically, in land that constantly changes backgrounds, profile pictures, locations, and status updates, God is the only never changing constant in my life; He helps me put into perspective A. My question B. My Opinion C. Others D. His opinion (which should matter the most)
3. Love comes in many forms sometimes the best love is humble obedience.
4. Silence brings reflection which leads to conversion. Practice it whenever possible.
5. People need your silence, not your answers. Silence means your listening. Answers can be misleading when they aren’t sought out.

If you are like me, then you are a control freak and lose it when you can’t be in control. Learn the hard lesson that I learned yesterday. That situation, it’s about you and God, not whatever you think it is about. It’s about God, your Father, teaching you how to rely on Him and Him alone.; trusting Him to take care of you in ways you can only dream of. It’s hard to let go, it’s even harder to let God (I am aware of the cliche and yes it still makes sense). It’s scary. Get over it.

Spiritual Darkness?

 What is spiritual darkness?
Benedict Groeschel describes it as "Any trying circumstance offering the opportunity to trust and confide in God is properly called a  “darkness”. To take steps to trust are impossible without the acceptance of grace in the form of theological virtues. 
We learn only in our darkness, when we come to the realization of our absolute insufficiency. We cannot do anything alone."  It is a time to learn to trust and surrender and realize that without God, we are nothing.
When we learn to let go and let God, we may feel the pull to go back to our old ways-control Groeschel says “It may be that we are so accustomed to our own narcissistic melancholy, so guilt-ridden and attached to our own self-deprecation, that the very thought of being at PEACE in the light of God, is terrifying to us. For the more controlling individuals, it might precipitate into an identity crisis if we found ourselves at peace. And so we tarry along the way. We shrink back because we know that if we experienced real detachment and abandonment, we  would have to give up our cherished ambitions, our earthly and spiritual goods. Like Israel, we would like to rejoice in being God’s servant, but we would like to keep control of ourselves... at least believe the lie that we are in control.  And so, we must pass through darkness again and again until at last we surrender….

"I tell you that it is enough to recognize one's nothingness and to abandon one's self like a child in the arms of God." - st. therese the little flower

(quotations: Spiritual Passages book by Groeschel)