Can I surrender it all?

                                             (a story from my heart)
My room is my sanctuary. I love every bit of it. From the bright white carpet to the soft green curtains hanging low to the floor. They framed a tall wide window surrounded by light pink walls. Of course my bed sheets matched that soft green, almost the same color as a lima bean. Odd, I know, but when you take a step back, my room looks like a lighter colored watermelon without the seeds.
But the colors aren't my favorite part of the room. It is sitting at the window seat in front of my big bright window. The window pillow is very comfortable to sit on; the top is a pale green with pink vine flowers sewed into the cover. This very place is where I spend most of my time thinking, wishing and longing. For it is this spot where I can feel a tugging in my heart.
I always wondered how people could walk in my room and only notice or admire the colors or the many picture frames hanging on my wall of art. How could they not notice the place where I felt God speaking to me the most? Or the radiant sunshine shining through the window glass, warming up my room, even my very soul. How could they miss the spectacular view from my window?-God's beautiful creation. There is of course the big maple tree that slightly hang its leaves over the window view and then there is the birdfeeder that attracts all those beautiful birds. Sometimes I fall asleep just listening to their songs. But beyond the birdfeeder and the big maple tree, are rolling green hills and a  big woods, thick with trees.  That adventurous, perfect woods has stolen a piece of my heart.  It was where I spent most of my days as a child exploring the beauty of God's creation and allowing Him to take me on many wild adventures. Adventures that only increased my sense of wonder...my innocent way.
But now God was calling me on a new adventure. One that I am surely struggling whether or not to go on.  It is a decision, maybe the hardest decision I would ever make, but I hear it is surely the best one and most rewarding...... Then what is holding me back?  What keeps me from opening up to this great adventure and saying yes?

God is simply asking me to "let it all go. Surrender...let go and your adventure will begin. An adventure you could never dream up yourself. You just have to let Me, your Father, lead you this time. But, you have to Give it ALL."

You think it is simple to give God everything - your hopes, your worries, fears and even your dreams. But it isn't. If everybody did, they would have an everlasting peace in their hearts; a joy that no one could bend and a love that no one could crush.   And yet we continue to think we can control, that we can accomplsih our dreams ourselves. We are afraid to hand our dreams over- afraid to lose them. But, if we really knew God, we would know that we wouldn't lose anything but instead, we would gain everything.  God knows our deepest desires better than we do. He is our Daddy, whos' love is so deep and so profound, that human beings could not handle the whole depths of it. If we could, I most surely believe that we would die from happiness.
So as I sit at this peaceful place at my window- just me, God and His beauty, I struggle to let go. Can I really trust this Man with EVERYTHING? Can I surrender it ALL?

Let this song help you to let go

Spiritual Darkness?

 What is spiritual darkness?
Benedict Groeschel describes it as "Any trying circumstance offering the opportunity to trust and confide in God is properly called a  “darkness”. To take steps to trust are impossible without the acceptance of grace in the form of theological virtues. 
We learn only in our darkness, when we come to the realization of our absolute insufficiency. We cannot do anything alone."  It is a time to learn to trust and surrender and realize that without God, we are nothing.
When we learn to let go and let God, we may feel the pull to go back to our old ways-control Groeschel says “It may be that we are so accustomed to our own narcissistic melancholy, so guilt-ridden and attached to our own self-deprecation, that the very thought of being at PEACE in the light of God, is terrifying to us. For the more controlling individuals, it might precipitate into an identity crisis if we found ourselves at peace. And so we tarry along the way. We shrink back because we know that if we experienced real detachment and abandonment, we  would have to give up our cherished ambitions, our earthly and spiritual goods. Like Israel, we would like to rejoice in being God’s servant, but we would like to keep control of ourselves... at least believe the lie that we are in control.  And so, we must pass through darkness again and again until at last we surrender….

"I tell you that it is enough to recognize one's nothingness and to abandon one's self like a child in the arms of God." - st. therese the little flower

(quotations: Spiritual Passages book by Groeschel)

Let go and Let God!

"How many young  people, for example, hesitate to give their lives entirely to God because they do not have confidence that God is capable of making them completely happy.  And they seek to asure their own happiness by themselves and then make themselves sad and unhappy in the process. This is precisely the great victory of the Father of Lies,(satan): succeeding in putting into the heart of a child of God distrust vis-a-vis his Father!"
-From the beautiful words of Father Jacques Philippe

I wanted to write this post about surrendering completely to God, because I know so many, including myself, struggle  with it.   I think we all have to be reminded that God is thee ultimate, perfect and loving Father!  Our Father not only wants what's best for us, He Knows what's best for us.  So why aren't we completely trusting in our beautiful Father?
  It is doubt that the Father can truly take care of us.  It is the lies that are being whispered to you from satan telling you that if you surrender to God, He's going to let something happen that you don't want to happen.  So we tell ourselves that we can only let God in a little bit, and the rest of our lives is up to us to control.

These our words from Christ spoken through the mouth of Saint Catherine of Siena....
My Child,


"Why don't you have confidence in me, your creator?  Why do you rely on yourself? Am I not faithful and loyal to you? Redeemed and restored to grace by virture of the blood of my only Son, man can then say that he has experience my fidelity. And, nevetheless, he doubts it, it woul appear, that I am sufficiently powerful to help him, sufficiently strong to help and defend him against his enemies, sufficiently wise to illuminate the eyes of his intelligence or that I have sufficient clemency to want to give him whatever is necessary for his slavation.  It woulb appear that I am not sufficiently rich to make his fortune, not beautiful enough to make him beautiful; one might say taht he is afraid not to find enough bread in my home to nourish himself, nor clothing with which to cover himself.

So I think it's time to get know our Father a little more.  Know that you CAN trust Him with everything.  I think it's all time we Let go and let God!