Monday, August 8, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul
Meet The Authors:
SOME QUOTES THAT A LIKE FROM THE BOOK
"Singleness can be a time to discover yourself, your dreams, your goals. You can't really find your soul-mate, unless you really find yourself."
"at times you allow your insecurities to overpower you, and your thoughts run wild, but with Jesus love you can control any vice, wickedness, or evil weapon that comes against you. It's time to rise up, unafraid of who you are, embrace it. Don't lower your yourself or hide, b/c the power of Jesus love and grace will always be there to catch you and show you the way. you are a beloved daughter of Jesus, He who is God."
Please watch their talk on youtube. It also mentions how women and men are left with a lot of hurts and brokenness from their past. And usually this brokenness surfaces in marriage, so ask God to show you what junk and lies you are holding in your heart. This is not easy. IT hurts to face the junk and lies you've been carrying, but if we embrace them WITH Christ He will clean us up. He will mold us into the Women and Men He created us to be.
Psalm 51:10-12
(The talk starts at the 8 minute mark on the video, so move the bar down to that time to watch = ))
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Can I surrender it all?
(a story from my heart)
My room is my sanctuary. I love every bit of it. From the bright white carpet to the soft green curtains hanging low to the floor. They framed a tall wide window surrounded by light pink walls. Of course my bed sheets matched that soft green, almost the same color as a lima bean. Odd, I know, but when you take a step back, my room looks like a lighter colored watermelon without the seeds.
But the colors aren't my favorite part of the room. It is sitting at the window seat in front of my big bright window. The window pillow is very comfortable to sit on; the top is a pale green with pink vine flowers sewed into the cover. This very place is where I spend most of my time thinking, wishing and longing. For it is this spot where I can feel a tugging in my heart.
I always wondered how people could walk in my room and only notice or admire the colors or the many picture frames hanging on my wall of art. How could they not notice the place where I felt God speaking to me the most? Or the radiant sunshine shining through the window glass, warming up my room, even my very soul. How could they miss the spectacular view from my window?-God's beautiful creation. There is of course the big maple tree that slightly hang its leaves over the window view and then there is the birdfeeder that attracts all those beautiful birds. Sometimes I fall asleep just listening to their songs. But beyond the birdfeeder and the big maple tree, are rolling green hills and a big woods, thick with trees. That adventurous, perfect woods has stolen a piece of my heart. It was where I spent most of my days as a child exploring the beauty of God's creation and allowing Him to take me on many wild adventures. Adventures that only increased my sense of wonder...my innocent way.
But now God was calling me on a new adventure. One that I am surely struggling whether or not to go on. It is a decision, maybe the hardest decision I would ever make, but I hear it is surely the best one and most rewarding...... Then what is holding me back? What keeps me from opening up to this great adventure and saying yes?
God is simply asking me to "let it all go. Surrender...let go and your adventure will begin. An adventure you could never dream up yourself. You just have to let Me, your Father, lead you this time. But, you have to Give it ALL."
You think it is simple to give God everything - your hopes, your worries, fears and even your dreams. But it isn't. If everybody did, they would have an everlasting peace in their hearts; a joy that no one could bend and a love that no one could crush. And yet we continue to think we can control, that we can accomplsih our dreams ourselves. We are afraid to hand our dreams over- afraid to lose them. But, if we really knew God, we would know that we wouldn't lose anything but instead, we would gain everything. God knows our deepest desires better than we do. He is our Daddy, whos' love is so deep and so profound, that human beings could not handle the whole depths of it. If we could, I most surely believe that we would die from happiness.
So as I sit at this peaceful place at my window- just me, God and His beauty, I struggle to let go. Can I really trust this Man with EVERYTHING? Can I surrender it ALL?
My room is my sanctuary. I love every bit of it. From the bright white carpet to the soft green curtains hanging low to the floor. They framed a tall wide window surrounded by light pink walls. Of course my bed sheets matched that soft green, almost the same color as a lima bean. Odd, I know, but when you take a step back, my room looks like a lighter colored watermelon without the seeds.
But the colors aren't my favorite part of the room. It is sitting at the window seat in front of my big bright window. The window pillow is very comfortable to sit on; the top is a pale green with pink vine flowers sewed into the cover. This very place is where I spend most of my time thinking, wishing and longing. For it is this spot where I can feel a tugging in my heart.
I always wondered how people could walk in my room and only notice or admire the colors or the many picture frames hanging on my wall of art. How could they not notice the place where I felt God speaking to me the most? Or the radiant sunshine shining through the window glass, warming up my room, even my very soul. How could they miss the spectacular view from my window?-God's beautiful creation. There is of course the big maple tree that slightly hang its leaves over the window view and then there is the birdfeeder that attracts all those beautiful birds. Sometimes I fall asleep just listening to their songs. But beyond the birdfeeder and the big maple tree, are rolling green hills and a big woods, thick with trees. That adventurous, perfect woods has stolen a piece of my heart. It was where I spent most of my days as a child exploring the beauty of God's creation and allowing Him to take me on many wild adventures. Adventures that only increased my sense of wonder...my innocent way.But now God was calling me on a new adventure. One that I am surely struggling whether or not to go on. It is a decision, maybe the hardest decision I would ever make, but I hear it is surely the best one and most rewarding...... Then what is holding me back? What keeps me from opening up to this great adventure and saying yes?
God is simply asking me to "let it all go. Surrender...let go and your adventure will begin. An adventure you could never dream up yourself. You just have to let Me, your Father, lead you this time. But, you have to Give it ALL."
You think it is simple to give God everything - your hopes, your worries, fears and even your dreams. But it isn't. If everybody did, they would have an everlasting peace in their hearts; a joy that no one could bend and a love that no one could crush. And yet we continue to think we can control, that we can accomplsih our dreams ourselves. We are afraid to hand our dreams over- afraid to lose them. But, if we really knew God, we would know that we wouldn't lose anything but instead, we would gain everything. God knows our deepest desires better than we do. He is our Daddy, whos' love is so deep and so profound, that human beings could not handle the whole depths of it. If we could, I most surely believe that we would die from happiness.
So as I sit at this peaceful place at my window- just me, God and His beauty, I struggle to let go. Can I really trust this Man with EVERYTHING? Can I surrender it ALL?
Love or Lust for God?
Article by: Russell Hoyt http://russellhoyt.com/2011/07/02/hidden-adventure/
Recently I discovered that I had lost my love for God. Its interesting how you can quickly become so task oriented, “Doing Spiritually,” and lose your true purpose. I have done a lot of questioning over the past two weeks and have found kernels in my burnt spiritual popcorn (bad analogy, one of many to come). First, loving God wasn’t my true motive in this relationship. The subtle difference between motive and motivation is key. See a relationship with God is like a relationship with another person. I had all the motivation to be in a relationship with God: my wife, my kids, my ministry, my sin, my fear, my hurt, but my motive was imply to solve my life problems. A relationship with God will only satisfy a person when they are seeking true love, not lust. To lust after God is simply to desire Him for what He can do for our lives and not who He is. Second, prayer must be primarily motivated by love it is, as the kids say, “An Epic Fail.” Seriously, have you ever spoken with someone, a salesman perhaps, who is only interested in your life and conversation because they want to sell something to your or ask for something in return for the conversation. I can’t stand people like that, but more and more I realize I am that type of person, particularly when it comes to God. God and I sit down and have a conversation about something or other, then I cut right to the chase, like a teenager asking to borrow the car, “Can I have it, can I have it?” In my limited life experience and past experiences with others, most people are dissatisfied with their “relationship” with God because He doesn’t seem to respond or is different. The reality is that if we treat God like the Divine vending machine all we will get is our money taken with no “Jesus Candy” in return.
Soluation: Love God with all your heart, mind, and strength.
How: Put him first in your waking moments, your hour, your day and lastly at night. Speak to Him out of a desire to be with Him and pray and hope that He is who He says He is, a loving Father who will care for your needs. Mention your needs to Him and that leave them alone, because if all you ask for is a house and keep asking for a house, all you will get is a house, when what you really need is God.
Recently I discovered that I had lost my love for God. Its interesting how you can quickly become so task oriented, “Doing Spiritually,” and lose your true purpose. I have done a lot of questioning over the past two weeks and have found kernels in my burnt spiritual popcorn (bad analogy, one of many to come). First, loving God wasn’t my true motive in this relationship. The subtle difference between motive and motivation is key. See a relationship with God is like a relationship with another person. I had all the motivation to be in a relationship with God: my wife, my kids, my ministry, my sin, my fear, my hurt, but my motive was imply to solve my life problems. A relationship with God will only satisfy a person when they are seeking true love, not lust. To lust after God is simply to desire Him for what He can do for our lives and not who He is. Second, prayer must be primarily motivated by love it is, as the kids say, “An Epic Fail.” Seriously, have you ever spoken with someone, a salesman perhaps, who is only interested in your life and conversation because they want to sell something to your or ask for something in return for the conversation. I can’t stand people like that, but more and more I realize I am that type of person, particularly when it comes to God. God and I sit down and have a conversation about something or other, then I cut right to the chase, like a teenager asking to borrow the car, “Can I have it, can I have it?” In my limited life experience and past experiences with others, most people are dissatisfied with their “relationship” with God because He doesn’t seem to respond or is different. The reality is that if we treat God like the Divine vending machine all we will get is our money taken with no “Jesus Candy” in return.
Soluation: Love God with all your heart, mind, and strength.
How: Put him first in your waking moments, your hour, your day and lastly at night. Speak to Him out of a desire to be with Him and pray and hope that He is who He says He is, a loving Father who will care for your needs. Mention your needs to Him and that leave them alone, because if all you ask for is a house and keep asking for a house, all you will get is a house, when what you really need is God.
Control Freak?
Article by: Russell Hoyt http://russellhoyt.com/2011/07/11/cant-let-it-god-not-a-typo/
There is something about me, I just can’t let things go. I hash, hash, and rehash and I need re-hab. I think its because I am so uncomfortable with anything but exact certainty, which is really hard to obtain when other people aren’t as obsessed with insecurity as I am. Seriously, I’m insecure. I think we all are. The question then is, how can I become self secure? I don’t know what the magic formula is , but here are some hints as much as I can figure myself out.
There is something about me, I just can’t let things go. I hash, hash, and rehash and I need re-hab. I think its because I am so uncomfortable with anything but exact certainty, which is really hard to obtain when other people aren’t as obsessed with insecurity as I am. Seriously, I’m insecure. I think we all are. The question then is, how can I become self secure? I don’t know what the magic formula is , but here are some hints as much as I can figure myself out.
- The more I rely on myself the crazier I get. It is cycle after cycle of talking to myself about the same stupid situation after the people who are involved have moved WAY beyond the entire thing.
- The more I rely on God, the clearer things get. Ironically, in land that constantly changes backgrounds, profile pictures, locations, and status updates, God is the only never changing constant in my life; He helps me put into perspective A. My question B. My Opinion C. Others D. His opinion (which should matter the most)
- Love comes in many forms sometimes the best love is humble obedience.
- Silence brings reflection which leads to conversion. Practice it whenever possible.
- People need your silence, not your answers. Silence means your listening. Answers can be misleading when they aren’t sought out.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Spiritual Darkness?
What is spiritual darkness?
Benedict Groeschel describes it as "Any trying circumstance offering the opportunity to trust and confide in God is properly called a “darkness”. To take steps to trust are impossible without the acceptance of grace in the form of theological virtues.
We learn only in our darkness, when we come to the realization of our absolute insufficiency. We cannot do anything alone." It is a time to learn to trust and surrender and realize that without God, we are nothing.
When we learn to let go and let God, we may feel the pull to go back to our old ways-control Groeschel says “It may be that we are so accustomed to our own narcissistic melancholy, so guilt-ridden and attached to our own self-deprecation, that the very thought of being at PEACE in the light of God, is terrifying to us. For the more controlling individuals, it might precipitate into an identity crisis if we found ourselves at peace. And so we tarry along the way. We shrink back because we know that if we experienced real detachment and abandonment, we would have to give up our cherished ambitions, our earthly and spiritual goods. Like Israel, we would like to rejoice in being God’s servant, but we would like to keep control of ourselves... at least believe the lie that we are in control. And so, we must pass through darkness again and again until at last we surrender….
Benedict Groeschel describes it as "Any trying circumstance offering the opportunity to trust and confide in God is properly called a “darkness”. To take steps to trust are impossible without the acceptance of grace in the form of theological virtues.
We learn only in our darkness, when we come to the realization of our absolute insufficiency. We cannot do anything alone." It is a time to learn to trust and surrender and realize that without God, we are nothing.
When we learn to let go and let God, we may feel the pull to go back to our old ways-control Groeschel says “It may be that we are so accustomed to our own narcissistic melancholy, so guilt-ridden and attached to our own self-deprecation, that the very thought of being at PEACE in the light of God, is terrifying to us. For the more controlling individuals, it might precipitate into an identity crisis if we found ourselves at peace. And so we tarry along the way. We shrink back because we know that if we experienced real detachment and abandonment, we would have to give up our cherished ambitions, our earthly and spiritual goods. Like Israel, we would like to rejoice in being God’s servant, but we would like to keep control of ourselves... at least believe the lie that we are in control. And so, we must pass through darkness again and again until at last we surrender….
"I tell you that it is enough to recognize one's nothingness and to abandon one's self like a child in the arms of God." - st. therese the little flower
(quotations: Spiritual Passages book by Groeschel)
Friday, June 24, 2011
Come Holy Spirit!!
The Holy Spirit is the “first installment” of what is to come, the foretaste of heaven (2 Corinthians 1:22; Eph 1:14). He is the kiss of God upon the uniqueness of each of us. But the experience is so great that it brings an intense longing for what is yet to come.
(article by Fr. George Montague)
I didn’t know the Holy Spirit in this way until I was forty-one and asked some lay people to pray over me for the “baptism in the Holy Spirit.” Oh sure, I had been baptized and confirmed. I had professed religious vows, and I had been ordained twelve years earlier. And surely the Holy Spirit had been at work in those moments. But what happened on that Christmas Eve in 1970 was a breakthrough, a new beginning. From that moment, as I explained in my book, Holy Spirit, Make Your Home in Me, a new spiritual energy burst up from within me. From then on, my life and ministry became alive in a way they never had been before.
I didn’t know the Holy Spirit in this way until I was forty-one and asked some lay people to pray over me for the “baptism in the Holy Spirit.” Oh sure, I had been baptized and confirmed. I had professed religious vows, and I had been ordained twelve years earlier. And surely the Holy Spirit had been at work in those moments. But what happened on that Christmas Eve in 1970 was a breakthrough, a new beginning. From that moment, as I explained in my book, Holy Spirit, Make Your Home in Me, a new spiritual energy burst up from within me. From then on, my life and ministry became alive in a way they never had been before.
New Pentecost, New Life. For a long time afterwards, I was drunk with the Holy Spirit, so much so that I could understand why people thought the disciples in the upper room had overdosed on wine (Acts 2:13). I remember driving home one night after a prayer meeting and singing in tongues at the top of my voice. Had a police officer stopped me, I would simply have asked him, “Have you heard about Pentecost?” I enthusiastically composed songs, preached, and wrote about the Spirit.
But it wasn’t all alleluias. Deep inside, I was experiencing some radical changes. One of them had to do with hurts that I carried with regard to my father, who had passed away seven years earlier. Though he was a good man, I had feared him and never felt emotionally close to him. Gradually, the Holy Spirit led me to a healing of memories and a reconciled heart.The Spirit also freed me enough so that I could let go of ten years of success as a university professor and accept happily a less glorious post as seminary rector. Eventually, I left on a missionary assignment in Nepal for six years. I don’t think the “old me” would have negotiated those changes gracefully. Formerly I had found my security by taking control. Now the Holy Spirit was teaching me how to let go.
“Thanks, I needed that,” I can say of my past experiences of the Holy Spirit. And as I have seen the Holy Spirit transform the lives of thousands of people, I say to the Holy Spirit, “Thanks, they needed that.” But now, as I grow older, it’s the not yet aspect of the Holy Spirit that is growing on me.
Groaning and Longing. Archbishop Flores used to tell the story of a man who came to his pastor with a request for his funeral. “Please, Father, when you bury me, make sure the undertaker places a fork upright in my hand.”
“But why would you want a fork standing up in your right hand?” the puzzled pastor replied.
“Well, Father, you see since my wife died, I’ve been eating out most of the time. When I finish my meal, the waiter will often say, ‘Keep your fork; the best is yet to come.’ And then he would bring me my dessert. You see, I would like those who mourn for me to know that the best is yet to come.”
The best is yet to come. We would not know that, though, unless we had first “tasted the heavenly gift and shared in the Holy Spirit and tasted … the powers of the age to come” (Hebrews 6:4-5).
Paul tells us that the Holy Spirit enables us to cry, “Abba, Father!” and bears witness with our spirit that we are the children of God (Romans 8:15-16). But then Paul looks ahead beyond the now to the not yet: “I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed for us” (8:18). And what do we do in the meantime? We groan.
Paul says that all creation “is groaning in labor pains” for the consummation of God’s plan, for creation will reach its intended goal only when man, its steward, is saved. “And not only that,” Paul continues, but “we ourselves who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, we also groan within ourselves” as we await the final goal: our “adoption, the redemption of our bodies.” Thankfully though, we do not have to groan by ourselves. “For we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes with groanings inexpressible” (Romans 8:22-23,26). Those who were privileged to witness Pope John Paul the Great praying often heard him groaning.
A Constant Gift. If you, too, have fallen in love with Love and experience this longing, accept the joy and the pain of knowing that the best is yet to come. And if the gift of the Spirit still lies unopened for you, as it did for me for so many years, know that God has more for you.
The Holy Spirit is not a gift that just sits there. He is being given at every moment by the Father and the Son. He flows from the Father and the Son, for he is the river of life-giving water flowing from the throne of God and the Lamb (Revelation 22:1). If you are in communion with Jesus—or what is called the state of grace— God the Father and God the Son are pouring out their love as the Holy Spirit in your heart right now. You have a divine Niagara Falls flowing in you at this very moment! In you the Father is loving the Son, the Son is loving the Father, and Father and Son are giving you their mutual love in the Holy Spirit.
If you sincerely seek him in prayer, the same Holy Spirit will make this truth a transforming experience for you, too.
Marianist Fr. George T. Montague is professor of biblical theology at St. Mary’s University in San Antonio, Texas, and former president of the Catholic Biblical Association of America. To read an excerpt from his newest book, Mary and Her Life in the Holy Spirit, click here.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Personality type?
I'm sure y'all have heard the classification of people as introverts or extroverts, right? Well I found this article and I'm pretty sure it describes Most of my personality pretty good. Plus I thought it was pretty funny to read, since most of it is true. Of course an introvert or extrorvert is just one classification, and some people have a mix, both extovert and introvert personalities in them. No one should just be considered solely an introvert or solely an extrovert alone. Thats when we say, God gave us ALL unique personalities, and special gifts. Some types of charactheristics may stick out more than others which make it easy to classify others, but this isn't a specific stamp on their head defining who they are. There are SO many gifts and other hidden personalities that may not be easily seen on the surface. It would be foolish to define someone's personality with just ONE word....God is a WAY more complex creator than that! So be proud and thankful for who you are, because, Really, there is NO one like you. = )
10 Myths About Introverts
(list compiled by Carl King that he read from The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World.)
10 Myths About Introverts
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
(list compiled by Carl King that he read from The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World.)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
The Devil and His lies
Lately I have been finding many good articles elsewhere, so I guess I am taking a break from writing my own. This article is awesome. I think the title says it all. This article was written by Fabiola Garza and she has her own blog. You should check it out!! http://catholiccolors.blogspot.com/
"I have yet to meet somebody whom at some point of his or her life has not tried to compensate for qualities he or she is lacking. For my entire life I have used my facility in the arts to boost the self-esteem that was slowly depleted as I realized I couldn’t compete for praise in other areas. First I realized that I wasn’t society’s ideal of physical beauty, so as I covered up my thighs and looked at my nose in the mirror, I thought at least I can draw. In middle school I was top of my class without even trying, but throughout High school and college excelling in academics became harder and harder, until every so often I felt dumb. I felt awkward at large parties; I had no idea how popular people enraptured an audience. But still I told myself at least I can paint. When all my cousins and friends began to have steady boyfriends and get married, I’d think, I’ve been gifted; I can draw.
So as you can expect the days when I couldn’t quite paint what I wanted and “worse” when the very ideas and worlds I wanted to convey were done more beautifully and effortlessly by close friends of mine, I felt very, very small. I dreaded being compared, I dreaded being glanced over. I dreaded having nothing to offer. At that moment I felt ugly, dumb, unloved, and not good enough. And worse I felt sorry for myself. I had all the comforts in the world, but I felt empty. On top of it all I was ungrateful. I hated myself.
It is a terribly thing to be caught in so great a lie. The devil, I am convinced, loves using small insecurities to create obsessions over things that are lies. For in fact I am not the most beautiful, but often people remark that I am pretty. I might not be able to debate with great wit and write with ease, but I’m most certainly not dumb. I might not have a boyfriend, but I feel truly loved by others. And yes, I’m not the best artist, but I’m pretty darn good.
How is it then that every once in a while I found myself in a deep well of insecurity, feeling so small like I had nothing to offer?
Well, there are several ways to get to that awful place and I’m going to tell you my theories. I’m pretty sure I’m right. The lies you believe might be different, but maybe you’ve experienced something similar.
The Devil lost me long ago, but he is still around looking at any moment to get me back. He is not an idiot he knows that I’m no longer (usually) drawn into serious sin when I am weak, so he has to take a few extra steps. He’s crossed off a few choices that he can’t coax me into anymore, because I know they won’t make me happy. I know they’re sugarcoated poison. But I’m still sensitive and often insecure and that’s all he needs to work with.
The key for the evil one’s plan is now even subtler. He will make me believe that by pursuing and fulfilling the ideals of beauty, fame, intelligence, popularity and romance I will become a whole and worthy person. Only then will this insecurity fade. After all, wanting to be attractive, acknowledged, smart and well liked aren’t bad things. The word ‘sin’ doesn’t immediately come to mind…
In retrospect, I realize that I’ve been coaxed and that I’ve listened.
…So go my dear, pursue these things for look at yourself, young men are now used to looking upon perfect women, you wouldn’t want to disappoint. Nobody will every take you seriously if you can’t match their knowledge of history, and look how alone you felt during all those parties, better work on that too. It is wise for you to worry about the future; you don’t want to come home to an empty house every night, do you? Now, don’t look so sad my dear, at least you are doing well with your art, but isn’t it too bad that you are still second-rate. Oh I know you get plenty of praise, but you’re still just not there. Just compare yourself. Compare yourself.
Now where is My Lord and My God in all of this?
He is waiting for my ear and heart to turn His Way and ask two very important questions. “Who am I?” and then, “What do you want of me?”.
But until I ask those questions, I find myself trying to get out of that spiral by devising plans to achieve all those goals. And the Devil is gleeful, because I have forgotten who I am and the God who loves me. These goals will never be achieved because there is always something more to covet. His lie is alive.
I know this sounds silly. But I have many friends who start tearing up because they think they don’t look good in a bathing suit, or because they are not talented enough, or smart enough. As the outsider and the friend you think they’re crazy! They’re so valuable and kind and creative. What are they talking about? You might think it’s a good idea to slap them out of such on obvious falsehood. It’s always obvious when it’s someone else.
The longer you persist in conversation with the evil one the harder it is to stop. But STOP, and turn your eyes to the heavens and call out to Jesus and ask Him, “Who am I?”And He’ll say quick and loud as thunder, “ You are my beloved daughter”, “You are my beloved son”. Then ask, “What is it you want of me?” And He’ll say, in some way or another, “Your heart; all that you are. Be perfect as my Father in heaven is perfect.”
Stay with Him there.
In that quiet I’ve seen my true self as God’s beloved daughter called to true goodness, to true perfection. Perfect looks so different in God’s eyes, and is so much more exciting!
Do not be afraid to ask! Ask often, I forget all the time.
Most people think that if they give their hearts to God they will have to forget about everything else, but the truth is once you put your confidence in God and not in yourself and what others say you must be going about your life becomes joyful, because your are no longer on an anxious pursuit to become worthy of love. Living with God is living in reality; a land of truth where all the smallest lies are brought into the light.
So as you can expect the days when I couldn’t quite paint what I wanted and “worse” when the very ideas and worlds I wanted to convey were done more beautifully and effortlessly by close friends of mine, I felt very, very small. I dreaded being compared, I dreaded being glanced over. I dreaded having nothing to offer. At that moment I felt ugly, dumb, unloved, and not good enough. And worse I felt sorry for myself. I had all the comforts in the world, but I felt empty. On top of it all I was ungrateful. I hated myself.
It is a terribly thing to be caught in so great a lie. The devil, I am convinced, loves using small insecurities to create obsessions over things that are lies. For in fact I am not the most beautiful, but often people remark that I am pretty. I might not be able to debate with great wit and write with ease, but I’m most certainly not dumb. I might not have a boyfriend, but I feel truly loved by others. And yes, I’m not the best artist, but I’m pretty darn good.
How is it then that every once in a while I found myself in a deep well of insecurity, feeling so small like I had nothing to offer?
Well, there are several ways to get to that awful place and I’m going to tell you my theories. I’m pretty sure I’m right. The lies you believe might be different, but maybe you’ve experienced something similar.The Devil lost me long ago, but he is still around looking at any moment to get me back. He is not an idiot he knows that I’m no longer (usually) drawn into serious sin when I am weak, so he has to take a few extra steps. He’s crossed off a few choices that he can’t coax me into anymore, because I know they won’t make me happy. I know they’re sugarcoated poison. But I’m still sensitive and often insecure and that’s all he needs to work with.
The key for the evil one’s plan is now even subtler. He will make me believe that by pursuing and fulfilling the ideals of beauty, fame, intelligence, popularity and romance I will become a whole and worthy person. Only then will this insecurity fade. After all, wanting to be attractive, acknowledged, smart and well liked aren’t bad things. The word ‘sin’ doesn’t immediately come to mind…
In retrospect, I realize that I’ve been coaxed and that I’ve listened.
…So go my dear, pursue these things for look at yourself, young men are now used to looking upon perfect women, you wouldn’t want to disappoint. Nobody will every take you seriously if you can’t match their knowledge of history, and look how alone you felt during all those parties, better work on that too. It is wise for you to worry about the future; you don’t want to come home to an empty house every night, do you? Now, don’t look so sad my dear, at least you are doing well with your art, but isn’t it too bad that you are still second-rate. Oh I know you get plenty of praise, but you’re still just not there. Just compare yourself. Compare yourself.
Now where is My Lord and My God in all of this?
He is waiting for my ear and heart to turn His Way and ask two very important questions. “Who am I?” and then, “What do you want of me?”.
But until I ask those questions, I find myself trying to get out of that spiral by devising plans to achieve all those goals. And the Devil is gleeful, because I have forgotten who I am and the God who loves me. These goals will never be achieved because there is always something more to covet. His lie is alive.
I know this sounds silly. But I have many friends who start tearing up because they think they don’t look good in a bathing suit, or because they are not talented enough, or smart enough. As the outsider and the friend you think they’re crazy! They’re so valuable and kind and creative. What are they talking about? You might think it’s a good idea to slap them out of such on obvious falsehood. It’s always obvious when it’s someone else.
The longer you persist in conversation with the evil one the harder it is to stop. But STOP, and turn your eyes to the heavens and call out to Jesus and ask Him, “Who am I?”And He’ll say quick and loud as thunder, “ You are my beloved daughter”, “You are my beloved son”. Then ask, “What is it you want of me?” And He’ll say, in some way or another, “Your heart; all that you are. Be perfect as my Father in heaven is perfect.”
Stay with Him there.
In that quiet I’ve seen my true self as God’s beloved daughter called to true goodness, to true perfection. Perfect looks so different in God’s eyes, and is so much more exciting!
Do not be afraid to ask! Ask often, I forget all the time.
Most people think that if they give their hearts to God they will have to forget about everything else, but the truth is once you put your confidence in God and not in yourself and what others say you must be going about your life becomes joyful, because your are no longer on an anxious pursuit to become worthy of love. Living with God is living in reality; a land of truth where all the smallest lies are brought into the light.
The pursuit of SELF-esteem is a distorted, winding journey, because truly we are looking for confidence in something perfect that can’t be ourselves because we are flawed. We inevitably fall into either arrogance: believing we are more than we are or self-loathing: believing we are less than we are. No wonder humility is so hard to come by and so highly prized. The humble man is so calm, so unshaken by the affairs of the world and the whispers he might hear. The humble man knows who he is and what is expected of him. He only weeps when God weeps."
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